


john mulaney, hes the best

by sparrow_2344



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Gen, I wrote this at like midnight, John Mulaney References, Party, Underaged Drinking?, and i would say implied underage sex but again the legal age in germany is 14 for SOME REASON???, i have so many questions, literally one of the subplots is an entire john mulaney skit, the drinking age in germany is 16 and theyre all like 17 here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:54:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28056459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparrow_2344/pseuds/sparrow_2344
Summary: this was titled "In which Bobby Maler hosts a party, invites everyone and they all (except Martha) get wasted. With too many John Mulaney references" on my phone
Relationships: Hanschen Rilow/Ernst Robel, Melchior Gabor/Moritz Stiefel
Comments: 8
Kudos: 16





	john mulaney, hes the best

It was Friday afternoon. Everyone in third year had gotten the exact same note passed to them. It read:

To whomever it may concern,  
Head on over to my house on Saturday at 9:30pm for the best night of your life  
(My parents are out of town ;) )  
Probably  
Yours, Bobby Maler

So, everyone in the town knew what they had to do: Go over and wreck the place.

Skip to Saturday, everyone was arriving at this very white person house. Ilse had pulled up her car outside. She'd given a lift to Wendla and her friends, Anna and Martha. 

There was some song playing that sounded very modern and pop-y. It was a strange choice, but it would keep people dancing. 

And, oh boy, people were dancing. It seemed the music was coming from a phone attached to an aux cord which Hänschen and Melchior seemed to be scheming with. 

Ilse immediately spotted Ernst and Moritz at the side of the room. She ran over and almost collapsed onto the sofa next to them.

"Hey," She waved at them.

"Oh! Ilse!" Ernst replied, "You're here!"

"Why wouldn't I be?" 

"That's true,"

Ilse then turned to Moritz, who was curled up in the corner of the sofa, with a very zoned out expression.

"Moritz?" she prompted, "You ok?"

"I stole the entire thing of pot brownies, Ilse," he mumbled, "I have never felt better in my life,"

"Really?" Ilse somehow wasn't skeptical, "Can I..?"

Moritz gestured to a tray next to him, and Ilse happily took one of the brownies, then another, and another..

Meanwhile, Melchior and Hänschen were still with the phone - one of them conveniently knew the password - that was playing the music, and they had a, what they considered, a brilliant idea.

"How many times have you queued it?" Melchior asked.

"Like, seven, my dude," Hänschen replied, "How many times are we-"

"No, I have an idea," Melchior took a long sip of his drink, "Before we queue another What's New Pussycat, we put in one... It's Not Unusual. That's the same artist, right?"

Hänschen nodded, "I hate you, but you're a genius,"

"I know," Melchior paused, "I'm gonna get another drink,"

In the kitchen, Wendla was just chilling with Martha and Anna. They couldn't be bothered with the whole party but it would be like social murder if they didn't show up. Wendla and Anna had some drink, with a bit of alcohol while Martha didn't have anything as she refused to drink. 

"Is someone playing Tom Jones?" Wendla asked, "Why is someone playing Tom Jones?"

"Honestly, who knows," Anna held the last syllable for an extra second, like she was singing.

"Have you two seen Thea at all tonight?" Martha asked, yawning a little, "Because I sure haven't,"

"Weirdly, no," Wendla replied, "Where.. Is it me or is this song longer than I remembered?"

In the other room, Ilse was now extremely high as well. Moritz was lying with his head in her lap, and Ernst was sat with his head on her shoulder. 

"Have you guys ever thought about how weird the concept of the movie Avatar is?" Ilse asked, "Like, J- Jimmy? John? Whatever his name is, said 'Hey! I'm gonna make a film where these humans are stealing this material from a planet inhabited by blue people and also human and blue woman have a romance!', like, that's so weird," 

Moritz started laughing, and didn't say anything in response. Ernst, however, glared at the furthest wall from them and started talking in a low voice, "Why has the same song been playing for fifteen minutes?"

"The same song?" Ilse asked, "What song..?"

"What's New Pussycat," Ernst was tensing up, "I swear to god, if it plays one more time, I'll cry,"

Melchior and Hänschen were still talking with eachother for some reason. Both of them were completely drunk at this point.

They were both sat on the stairs, next to the phone because they didn't want anyone coming over and ruining their plan, which was making them laugh to death.

"Oh my god, did you see that?" Hänschen asked.

Melchior raised an eyebrow, "What?"

"Otto Lämmermeier just broke a glass and shouted 'God damnit! I hate this song',"

"When's the It's Not Unusual coming on?"

"Um........... Soon?"

Melchior threw his head back, "I so want to have sex right now. Are any of the bedrooms free? I'm so horny, Hans Rilow,"

"I have a boyfriend," 

"Ew, I would rather die than sleep with you,"

"We have literally had sex before,"

"I have no recollection of that ever happening,"

As it turns out, Wendla and Anna had just got drunk for the first time. Both girls were giggling at everything the other said, while Martha was kind of just sitting there.

"And I said I don't remember that from Hamilton!" Wendla winked.

Anna choked with laughter, "Why was there even a horse in a hospital?!"

"I don't even know!"

Martha sighed, "You two need to get sober. Right now,"

"Nope!"

Martha stood up again, and headed over to the nearest cupboard and found two glasses, filled them up with water and stole a couple ice cubes. She placed them down in front of her friends.

"You two. Drink,"

"Whaaaat is it?" Anna asked, picking up the glass.

"Water,"

"Boring!" 

Martha sighed again.

Meanwhile, Ernst, Ilse and Moritz had just started drinking, and it so happened that Moritz could not hold his liquor. 

He was completely buried into both of his friends, and with the combination of his anxiety and being high and drunk, he burst into tears.

"Moritz? You ok?" Ernst asked.

"Where's Melchi?" he mumbled, "I need Melchi,"

"Melchior's an asshole," Ilse added, "Don't know why you like him so much,"

"It's so dark in here," Moritz said, "I swear to god I can hear the colours I'm supposed to see,"

"Jesus," Ernst muttered.

Melchior was just about to grab another drink when he noticed the song switch from their continued play, to the one It's Not Unusual they had queued. He heard a collective sigh of relief throughout the room.

Hänschen was still sat on the stairs, and trying not to laugh because he knew what was going to happen. 

As soon as Melchior picked up his drink, he almost immediately dropped it. Good thing it wasn't a glass, because if it was it would've smashed everywhere. He had absolutely no clue why he dropped it though, probably because of his drunkenness.

He then felt something wrap around his arm. He almost shoved it off - thinking it was some random drunk person - but turned around to the sight of his best friend.

"Moritz?" Melchior asked, to which the noirette didn't respond, "Mo-oritz?", extending the word.

There was still no response, so Melchior pulled Moritz to the side and into the first empty closet he saw.

"Moritz?"

"You're so hot, Melchi," Moritz was looking directly into Melchior's eyes, "Also, I'm crying,"

Melchior raised an eyebrow, "You're crying?"

"I don't know why," Moritz swung his arms around Melchior's neck, "Dance with me,"

Melchior smiled a little, pulling Moritz close to him by his waist, "You look cute,"

They gently began to sway, definitely not listening to the music outside.

"Ow! Moritz, you stepped on my foot," Melchior almost yelled.

"Sorry," Moritz looked down, before his face was pulled up by his friend.

"Cute," Melchior paused, "I wanna pin you to this wall and screw you so hard your legs don't work in the morning. You ok with that?"

"That sounds good,"

Back in the kitchen, Martha had restrained her two friends so they couldn't drink any more. She was determined to get them back home at a sensible time and sober.

"You two are idiots," she said, "I'm taking you home after this,"

Outside, because I can't think of anything else for the girls, Ernst walked back over to the sofa with an old antique bottle.

"Is this whiskey or perfume?" he asked.

Ilse grabbed the bottle, opened it and downed the entire thing, looked Ernst dead in the eyes, "Perfume,"

"Oh, well," Ernst took it back, "Anyway, I'm so glad that they stopped playing the same song,"

There was a pause, the song playing had come to a stop, there was a silence across the whole room. Then, a loud WHAT'S NEW, PUSSYCAT?

And the whole room started screaming.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this so late at night i have issues


End file.
